Its half past midnight and I just found the space in my head to write this short piece. It’s been quite a while since I wrote something which is not related to politics or current affairs, so here's my little attempt.
In all of this where’s the lesson you may ask. After all I am not the first person who has lost someone dear. Well till my aunt’s passing away, I led life that included the mundane academics and sometimes if I found the time a little piece on the piano or the guitar or my books. My life was restricted to these confines. I hardly looked beyond the next moment. All I knew was that I have to study and achieve my goals. This changed with my aunt’s passing away. I began to appreciate every minute of my life. In the midst of the agony, I realised, “To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.”
What if somebody told you that today was your last day alive?
What if somebody told you that this was the last time you’d see your loved one?
What if you lived a life fearing the inevitable and it happened?
Would you first check if your insurance policy was still valid? Would you check if your wife/husband and children had the best amenities and luxuries after you were gone or would you just say four words, “I will miss you.”
The past few months have been a great learning lesson for me. You may ask, “What happened?” Simple answer: NOTHING! I did not win a Jackpot, nor did I get a new job. So what made me realise that Life is special? One simple word: ‘Realisation.’ The New Year 2012 brought in nothing but bad news. I lost my Godmother (also my mom’s sister) and my Great Aunt both on New Year’s Eve both within a few hours of each other. This double- tragedy occurred a few days before a major event I was entrusted to handle by myself. Sleepless nights and early college only ensured that I fell ill and things seemed pretty bleak. I tried to put up a brave in front of my mother who was fighting her own personal battle to come to terms with the loss of her youngest sister. My godmother and I shared a relationship that was extremely special. She was as close to me as my mom. She ensured that I was never hurt; she encouraged me and taught me that it was in the Giving and not in the Receiving that made Life so incredibly special. Her passing away was completely unexpected as compared to my Great aunt who had been ill for quite some time. For me the earth had spun more than once that day.
So, New Year’s Eve was an unhappy event but I ensured that none knew till the festivities drew to a close. Soon, the condolence messages started pouring in. I was still in shock having lost only two other people in this little life of mine, my own elder sister and my grandmother. So, the pain of the termination of Life was more of a numbing feeling. Three nights before the event, I was still fighting to be able to get a decent rest, but all my attempts were in vain. Memories of all the time I spent with my aunt haunted me to even try to be able to sleep. I began to pray. It brought me temporary comfort but still no rest. In that period, every day at twilight I’d wish for the night to just fly so that dawn would arrive. Since I am an only child I can confide only in my parents. But this time I couldn’t. As the day for the event drew closer I was one short of becoming a complete insomniac.
The event was a grand success. Our prayers had worked. It was a miracle in itself. I had survived on 4 hours sleep in two days and on the day of the event I had to run helter skelter, covering a distance of almost 30 kilometres in a matter of three short hours. I wondered from where a weakling like me could even manage the event. Perhaps somewhere beyond the blue my aunt was pushing me to give it my best shot.
It is around this time that I realised that it is easy to be cynical and critical about one’s own life but it is extremely difficult to smile and find inner peace in the midst of the storm. When I look in retrospect I can only say, “Thank God for all the little blessings, the little joys that make my world so Perfect.” I understood that you have to try and find pleasure in the smaller and more inconsequential things life has to offer you: a smile, a message, a gentle pat on the back. I am often criticised for romanticising Life but that is how I perceive Life to be. I can’t expect everyday to bring me joy, every moment to bring me comfort and every piece of news to bring me peace. Its just not possible. But what I can do is to ensure that I spread happiness to those who come in contact with me.
Most people young and old look at me with amusement whenever I say I am blessed; but that is a FACT, not a FANTASY. Unlike many young people my age I can still communicate with my parents freely without any inhibitions. I am blessed with the Perfect person to look up to as My Mentor. Most kids don’t know what it is to even have an inspiration to guide them. My best friend is as dear as a sister would be. And my family and friends make my little world special. Believe me, each of you with a few additions and/or subtractions are as Blessed as I am. You only have to start realising it. It took me a loss to gain the wisdom that Life comes with an unknown expiry date. I don’t know about tomorrow, I can hardly predict what will happen in the next hour so I want to ensure that every minute I live I appreciate my Life for what it is rather than mourn for what it is not! For me My life is a Blessing and I intend to use it to help other people to believe that they too are a Gift, they too are Special!
My aunt always had a dream for me. She wanted me to give everything my best shot and use my life to help others and be a blessing. I don’t know what the future holds for me but yes one thing is for sure: I will ensure that I try to fulfil both her dreams.